i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
