a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
