We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
