Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
