My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
