If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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