If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
