WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
