I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
