And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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