i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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