Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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