When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
