I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
