he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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