im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
