do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
