so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
