Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
it's like iHOP with fire
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
