Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
