Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As shirtless as possible
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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