I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize