Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
