She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
