Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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