Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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