Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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