Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
