on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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