Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
