Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
