Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
