I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
