My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
