I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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