if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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