Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
