i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I need water and some morals
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize