You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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