so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i will never coherently bang her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
