I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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