You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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