Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Found the puke drawer
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
