so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
