Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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