checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize