Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize