apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
