Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
