my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
