On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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