I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
