She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
