I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize