i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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