That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
