i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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