well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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