Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
