Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
