I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
