Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
