There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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