i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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