I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
