I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize