Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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