Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
