Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
