you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
