I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
