I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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