I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
