I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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