somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
