Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize