My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
