I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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