you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
