The best revenge is premature balding
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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