Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
