you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
