Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
