Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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