Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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