Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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