She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
