Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
