You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
