He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
foreskin is a definite game changer
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
