I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
