woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
