oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
