My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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