Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
