Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
