Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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