the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
