just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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