guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
