so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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