I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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