forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
