I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
