i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
