Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
