the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
