you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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