Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
