I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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