I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
