she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
