I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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