Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
